Ask Dr. Rhodes

Uncategorized Questions

I’m 31 and I’m lonely. I’ve gone to six weddings in the last six months. Nothing has worked out for me. Should I lower the bar?

Anonymous

Feeling sorry for yourself is not productive. Don’t lower your standards, but prune them if they are unrealistic or arbitrary — he doesn’t have to be six feet tall or make six figures, for example. There are plenty of guys out there, but you need to be smart and focused. You have time — be positive!

—Sonya Rhodes, Ph.D.

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I’m 35. I feel like I’m dating with a gun to my head. Should I marry Mr. Right Now? He seems reliable and nice. What if I don’t meet anyone as nice as he is? Is he my last chance?

Anonymous

Don’t panic. If you think Mr. Right Now is a possibility, give it a chance, but don’t settle. He is not your last chance, trust me. If you want to meet more eligible men, tackle the dating scene with greater purpose and pursue the activities you love with vigor and passion.

—Sonya Rhodes, Ph.D.

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Given the fact that the economic gap between men and women has become much more narrow, is it now unreasonable to always expect the man to pick up the tab for a date?

Anonymous

The tradition of the man paying for the date is deeply embedded in our dating behavior. But the social norms are changing as younger women are closing the gender pay gap in many markets. My advice: It is always gracious to offer to pay by taking out your debit or credit card. If he insists, let him pay without further ado. If he is clearly making more money than you, you can let him pay but graciously buy tickets for the concert or the play you both want to go to. If you are equal wage earners, suggest taking turns paying for your entertainment  Just remember: 45% of household income is contributed by women these days.

 

—Sonya Rhodes, Ph.D.

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Are there any positive or negative consequences of two beta (or “nurturing”) people dating each other? How does this affect conflict in the relationship? Does this kind of pair often stagnate or fail to motivate themselves/each other?

Anonymous

The Beta/Beta relationship is characterized by gentleness and sensitivity which contribute in a very positive way to intimacy. The pairing of two Betas creates a close relationship based on mutual respect and companionship. They are supportive to each other because they intuit each other’s vulnerability. These relationships are safe and secure.

Beta couples tend to be agreeable which is both a strength and a weakness. Being agreeable makes for a stable and peaceful relationship. On the other hand, when there are differences and problems to solve which require confrontation and conflict resolution, they are not at their best. They avoid challenging each other and prefer to maintain the status quo.

Betas do not like to make waves. They need to be encouraged to bring up and to talk about problems. They avoid criticizing each other at all costs, which sometimes means that they do not push each other to meet challenges.

—Sonya Rhodes, Ph.D.

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